I’m rather new to the organized Christian community although I’ve always been a believer. I started attending church services regular after I experienced Christmas Eve service of my sophomore year of high school. I felt moved and enlightened by God and I could feel a powerful source pulling me in. I became very active in my church community singing with our Praise Band and becoming Youth Group President and let God into my life and lead me to the path of glory.
However my junior year of high school came and I became overwhelmed in school and extracurriculars and I began to struggle. I put everything into school and I put God on the back burner and from there I began coping with unhealthy habits. These habits developed into an eating disorder and I was lost. I couldn’t concentrate in school, and I stopped finding enjoyment in the things I loved such as singing and dancing. I still attended church every Sunday but I was so consumed into my eating disorder that I would spend the whole service thinking of how to get out of taking communion because of the calories. How sad is that? That I would rather be “skinny and perfect” than have the body and blood of Christ strengthen me?
The year went on and most of it is just a blur of over exercising and hunger pains to be quite honest. I do remember that as spring came, I asked God why I was so broken? Why he couldn’t fix me and make me perfect? But than at a youth gathering in Detroit I learned that I was asking God to put me in more pain than I already felt, I needed to let God back into my life, I needed to put God first and everything else would fall into place. At the gathering I felt God surround me as one of the speakers talked about how so many teens and young adults of today struggle with things such as eating disorders, depression and self harm and how our bodies are a temple and God loves us and all of our imperfections and mistakes. At that moment I felt God’s presence next to me, around me and within in me. God was talking directly to me, and from that exact moment I brought God and Jesus back to the front of my mind. From there it was an uphill battle to recovery but I knew God was going to save me and he did. He walked beside me during my journey and was there at every doctor’s appointment, in every moment of doubt, and he always forgave me when I slipped back into my unhealthy ways.
From this experience I not only learned but actually experienced God’s presence within me. I now have God as the center of my life. And as I come to The Well every week I feel the touch of God on my heart and grow even farther in my faith. And I now I know I walk with God because even in my darkest times he picked me up and held my heart. God loves us so much and he doesn’t want us to be in pain, we just have to let him in. Nothing competes with the feeling of Gods never ending love. And this is why I worship.