In high school, I lived a corrupt life. I was promiscuous, drank excessively & basically walked in a beeline away from the Lord. I was raised in a Christian family, so I knew that I was making poor decisions. At the start of my senior year, I found out that I was pregnant with identical twin girls. As one can imagine, I was absolutely devastated. I thought it was the end of my young, free life. It was a consequence that I couldn’t just run away from or hide. But God used my pregnancy to get my attention. I looked back at the choices I’d been making, and I could see how sinfully I had been living.
So, I came to terms with the fact that I was going to be a mom. Three months later, I got married to the father of the twins during the winter break of my senior year. I thought that marrying him would somehow make this pregnancy okay, and God wouldn’t be as mad. Three days after the wedding, my pregnancy started to have complications. These complications ended in the loss of my twin daughters.
That was absolute rock bottom.
I hated God. I was furious with Him. He gave me children, and I was ready to accept that challenge. Then He took them away from me. I didn’t understand why He would let that happen. How could He take my children?
It took me a few months, but I got to the point where I didn’t hate God anymore. I slowly realized that He was going to be my only source of healing in the midst of this insane hurt. So, I finally turned to the Lord. I finally started to build a real, genuine relationship with Him. I started to develop my own faith. That was a complete turn around for me. God poured into me in ways I had never experienced before. My heart and my mind did a total 180.
This healing didn’t come without difficulty. About nine months after losing the twins, my then-husband asked me for a divorce. As if I hadn’t taken enough blows yet.
So here I was: 19 years old. I’ve been pregnant, lost my children, married and divorced. Now, after almost two years of loss, the Lord had granted me a complete fresh start. And thanks to our God’s merciful forgiveness, I had a clean slate in His eyes.
But here’s the best part: I don’t deserve any of that grace. God gave me a second chance that I did not earn. I had set myself up for failure, and God pulled me out of it. He saw potential in me, He saw good things in me when I couldn’t see anything good. He gave me a second chance at life, and I did nothing to deserve it. Our God is unending love.