What is my Witness?
Last year God convicted me on The Great Commission, to go into the world and make disciples. I started to feel this deep sense of urgency to share my faith and Christ’s love with others. This was a wonderful and necessary conviction. However, instead of completely trusting God to simply use me to execute his plan, I went head first into self condemnation. The question, “What is my witness?” almost seemed to haunt me. I was burdened by an ungodly guilt that I was not doing enough to be a witness of Christ. I was weighed down by shame at how I struggled to openly share my faith. How I would shy away from seemingly perfect opportunities to tell someone about who Jesus is to me because I would get caught up in fear.
This all going on in my heart entering the second semester of my freshman year. A couple weeks into the semester this girl joined my history class late and the only spot left was next to me. She was really quiet at first but soon she warmed up to me and we ended up becoming friends. Every morning I would walk into class and say a big “Gooooood Morningggggg!!!” to her and I think she thought that I was a little silly. The more we got to talking through the semester, I started to feel the same urgency I mentioned earlier to share my faith with her, but I had no idea how to start that conversation because I was afraid of making her uncomfortable.
It was that same week that #LakersAllIn was happening and I had posted my own video on Facebook, sharing some of my testimony and what God means to me. So one day after kicking myself for not taking yet another good opportunity I had for sharing my faith with my friend from class, I offhandedly prayed, “Hey God, wouldn’t it be neat if she saw my video on Facebook?” And then I realized that I didn’t even remember what her name was so there would be no way for me to find her on Facebook. Thus, I admitted defeat on that front. But low and behold, within the next ten minutes, I had a friend request from none other than my friend. Later that night she messaged me saying she saw my video and was wondering what it was about. She asked me about CM and then asked me how I am so happy and confident all the time, so I told her about Jesus and the identity I have in him. She told me how I wasn’t like other Christian’s she had encountered in the past and that maybe she’ll giving this “church thing” another try.
This story itself is pretty cool. I mean God answered what I thought was a far fetched prayer in less than 10 minutes, which was incredible and mind blowing to me. But more than that, God told me, “I got this.” He gave the the conviction to be his witness, but he never told me I had to do it on my own. I took the conviction he gave me and tried to take control of operation. I burdened myself with the expectations of what I thought I needed to do to witness to others. But in doing so I wasn’t letting God have control of the situation. I was mad at myself for being human and not living up to the expectations I had set for myself. I wasn’t letting God be God. This story is a reminder that God has complete and utter control when I do not. All the missed opportunities I kicked myself over, he used to ensure his perfect timing to write the story that will bring him the most glory.