I grew up in a very typical Christian household. I have an amazing mom and dad and I am blessed to also have three siblings who I love a lot, even though they drive me crazy sometimes. I grew up going to church every Sunday and knowing Jesus was my savior and that he loved me. But as middle school rolled around, I kind of stopped going to church because I was nervous about going into the youth group. I don’t know why I felt that way but I did.
I continued to not attend church from that point on into my freshman year of high school. By that time, I had drifted pretty far from my relationship with God and our relationship was replaced with a worldly relationship. That relationship wasn’t good to say the least. I was made to feel crazy all the time and that everything was always my fault and I felt so worthless and useless. Unfortunately, at the time I was so focused on trying to make someone else happy and make sure that they were okay that I foolishly believed all of the lies that they were telling me. It got pretty bad. I felt so alone and felt that no one would understand how I was feeling and what I was going through, so I kept my feelings to myself. No one knew how bad I was truly struggling.
But by the grace of God, I was removed from the toxicity of that situation and I was back at church and within a month of being back at church, I was baptized and I went on my first mission trip. I met my best friends, some of them are even here at Grand Valley with me. I started to pursue God again and rebuild my relationship with Him. Our renewed relationship was with me every day and I felt on top of the world, but then right before my junior year of high school, my parents decided they were going to get divorced.
I remember feeling so sad, but at the same time it was something that was a long time coming so it wasn’t a complete shock. But again, I was still super sad and like a domino effect, things started to fall apart in my life. I was struggling with managing my emotions and as a result, different relationships in my life also started to be affected. But this time when everything was falling apart, I didn’t feel alone. I knew I was surrounded by a body of believers and I was being held by a God who loves me so much and would never let me go. Of course, working through that hurt wasn’t easy, but without God I think I would still be stuck in my sadness.
Now, fast forward and I’m here at Grand Valley and here at CM I have found one of the most loving groups of people. I feel so at home here and I am so blessed to be a part of a community that loves not only Jesus, but also loves his people. I just want to share with you guys that if you’re ever in a situation like I was or you are feeling some (or all) of the same feelings that I was, I want you to know you are not alone. Not only are you surrounded by people who love you and want to see you grow and thrive, but you are being held in the hands of a God that loves you so much that He knows every hair on your head, He even knew us before we were born. I just think that’s so cool and powerful. God takes us and looks at us as his broken children and he blesses us in so many different ways and turns us and our stories into the most beautiful things. I am just in awe of Him every single day and that is why I worship.
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